I thought everybody might enjoy the good things going on in Tennessee.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
The Toughest Job I May Never Love
So I should be happy. And with a lot of things, I am. Any day now, a little boy will land in our world and change everything...for the better. I am looking very forward to being a dad. In fact, I need to remember to post pictures of the nursery this weekend, as well as Lindsey's belly. It's big. Everything is going well health-wise, so no concerns in the areas that really, really matter. It's all that I could hope for at this point.
However...
I'm sitting here at my desk in this school, staring at this rather huge classroom, looking at the empty chairs and education-store posters, and I'm just...well, tired. And lost. Granted, there have been a few truly inspiring moments with some of these kids, and overall, I think I'm doing okay for a first year teacher in a public middle school.
But I don't want to be here. Maybe I don't know what I want to do, but it's not this.
Perhaps I can tough it out, things will get better, and I'll be laughing at myself for thinking these things. But I don't think so.
Drama is mandatory here, whether a student likes it or not. That should be a good thing. But for me, at least right now, it's just damn depressing. It takes one smart ass student (or five...or more) to sour the environment for me and the students that actually want to be in the class. I understand resistance, passivity, even shyness to a point, but this experience has already taught me why so many who have achieved what we have go to the high schools or the colleges if they end up in education. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, and I sometimes don't know how I make it to school on any given day. It has nothing to do with pure laziness. It has everything to do with trying to harvest motivation out of dead and rocky soil.
That's some heavy shit, but it's what's on my mind. It didn't help that I saw my first paycheck this morning. I know teaching doesn't pay, but...this, this is just depressing. Things will get better, I'm sure, and Lindsey is helping me through it, because she's an angel, but it's still rough for me right now.
Still, despite this, a friggin' BABY, y'all!! Huh??? I'm like Scott Stapp without the greasy hair and the shitty voice. We created LIIIIIFFEE!! Even if that doesn't erase everything I'm struggling with, it helps it all seem worth it. One day, I'll look back on this and say it was a rite of passage, a thicket of thorns that I had to thwart to land at the light (eat your heart out, Preston Lane). Right now, it's hard to ignore the little cuts and scrapes. I'll get there. Dammit, if it takes every ounce of my being, my soul, my energy and my wits, this beautiful woman and this perfect child are going to be taken care of.
How are you all? Expect to hear from me soon, perhaps before you read this.
Whatever you are doing, hang in there. Keep it up. Full speed ahead, my friends.
However...
I'm sitting here at my desk in this school, staring at this rather huge classroom, looking at the empty chairs and education-store posters, and I'm just...well, tired. And lost. Granted, there have been a few truly inspiring moments with some of these kids, and overall, I think I'm doing okay for a first year teacher in a public middle school.
But I don't want to be here. Maybe I don't know what I want to do, but it's not this.
Perhaps I can tough it out, things will get better, and I'll be laughing at myself for thinking these things. But I don't think so.
Drama is mandatory here, whether a student likes it or not. That should be a good thing. But for me, at least right now, it's just damn depressing. It takes one smart ass student (or five...or more) to sour the environment for me and the students that actually want to be in the class. I understand resistance, passivity, even shyness to a point, but this experience has already taught me why so many who have achieved what we have go to the high schools or the colleges if they end up in education. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, and I sometimes don't know how I make it to school on any given day. It has nothing to do with pure laziness. It has everything to do with trying to harvest motivation out of dead and rocky soil.
That's some heavy shit, but it's what's on my mind. It didn't help that I saw my first paycheck this morning. I know teaching doesn't pay, but...this, this is just depressing. Things will get better, I'm sure, and Lindsey is helping me through it, because she's an angel, but it's still rough for me right now.
Still, despite this, a friggin' BABY, y'all!! Huh??? I'm like Scott Stapp without the greasy hair and the shitty voice. We created LIIIIIFFEE!! Even if that doesn't erase everything I'm struggling with, it helps it all seem worth it. One day, I'll look back on this and say it was a rite of passage, a thicket of thorns that I had to thwart to land at the light (eat your heart out, Preston Lane). Right now, it's hard to ignore the little cuts and scrapes. I'll get there. Dammit, if it takes every ounce of my being, my soul, my energy and my wits, this beautiful woman and this perfect child are going to be taken care of.
How are you all? Expect to hear from me soon, perhaps before you read this.
Whatever you are doing, hang in there. Keep it up. Full speed ahead, my friends.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Good to hear
The whirlwinds are starting to swirl around this former ghost town, and it is truly not the same without you all. I'm getting a sense of the new kids coming in with something to prove and old kids looking to posture for whatever social illusions they can find to feel invulnerable. I feel very blessed that I was fortunate enough to be part of a team that, even at its most individual, made a place for the people around it. There is no way I can thank you enough for allowing me to be a part of it.
I am missing you all immensely, even as I relish our collective futures, I celebrate the past. With the highs and the lows, the ectasy and the agony, I'll stand beside you till the end.
I am missing you all immensely, even as I relish our collective futures, I celebrate the past. With the highs and the lows, the ectasy and the agony, I'll stand beside you till the end.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
The rocky road to Kansas.....
Kansas is hot. But I'm enjoying myself. I got here two days ago...flew into Wichita...lost my luggage...got picked up and driven the hour and a half to Abilene...got my luggage back at 2:30 in the morning. I have terrific roommates/castmates and everyone here is so friendly. I'm having fun piecing together what a small theatre community we really have...we're from all over, but several people know people that I worked with at Trumpet, and one girl knows Matt Vaughan. And did I mention that we're all sisters and did some double takes upon meeting? Lindy, you would fit right in. Oh, and my roommate, the accompanist, is a girl that I have worked with before. Small world.
As for the rest of you, as promised, I'm going to fill you in on each other. The only person I haven't gotten to talk to in a while is Lindy. :( But from what I hear, she is looking for a job and has officially signed. And she is the right height to do soap operas. Brad and Lindsey are in Nashville, where Brad is pretty much starting a theatre program in an IB school, so he also gets some training in that. David is standing on the corner...just kidding. He took a class with TVI Studios, and upon its completion is now looking for a job also. Zac and Tara have moved to PA, where Zac has a job in Bethlehem either as A. an innkeeper or B. the head of the theatre department at a private Moravian high school. They left Amara with me. Not really, but I wish. Josh and Annika are having a boy, but you should all know that A. because of Tara's intuition and B. because he sent you an email. Josh will be teaching 2, possibly 3, classes at UNCG this fall and perhaps working on some other theatre-related projects. So there you have it...your update. Don't make me do that again.
As for the rest of you, as promised, I'm going to fill you in on each other. The only person I haven't gotten to talk to in a while is Lindy. :( But from what I hear, she is looking for a job and has officially signed. And she is the right height to do soap operas. Brad and Lindsey are in Nashville, where Brad is pretty much starting a theatre program in an IB school, so he also gets some training in that. David is standing on the corner...just kidding. He took a class with TVI Studios, and upon its completion is now looking for a job also. Zac and Tara have moved to PA, where Zac has a job in Bethlehem either as A. an innkeeper or B. the head of the theatre department at a private Moravian high school. They left Amara with me. Not really, but I wish. Josh and Annika are having a boy, but you should all know that A. because of Tara's intuition and B. because he sent you an email. Josh will be teaching 2, possibly 3, classes at UNCG this fall and perhaps working on some other theatre-related projects. So there you have it...your update. Don't make me do that again.
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